


Beyond the Farthest Star

by Sangerin



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Astronomy, F/M, Quilting, Romance, Uber
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-02-02
Updated: 2005-02-02
Packaged: 2017-10-14 13:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/149666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sangerin/pseuds/Sangerin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Janeway/Chakotay uber.</p><p>An astronomy professor who quilts in her spare time is intrigued by her handsome new next door neighbour.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cutting

**Author's Note:**

> I got the title from a history of space travel exhibit at Disneyland. Many thanks to LauraJo, Monkee and Shayenne.

Jenni sat in her back room, surrounded by piles of fabric in a myriad of colours. She’d spent most of her precious Saturday morning choosing the fabrics for her next quilt, and now she was going to spend the afternoon cutting them up. The laundry, grocery shopping, and the piles of bills that needed paying could just wait until tonight…or tomorrow…or next weekend. At this moment she was in her element, and for the first time in months, she was enjoying herself.

Jenni loved quilting. She knew that it wasn’t a pastime that was particularly in vogue — her fiance had been especially disparaging — but she didn’t really care. It was a skill she had been taught as a child by her mother and her grandmother, who had in turn been taught by their mothers and grandmothers. She loved choosing the fabrics, carefully comparing patterns and colours to achieve the right balance. She loved choosing or designing the pattern she would make, cutting the fabrics and then sewing them together again. While most quilters now used sewing machines to piece their patchwork tops — and Jenni did too, on occasion —sometimes it was so restful to just sit and piece by hand, even if it did take far longer to complete. She loved the quilting, sewing the quilt top, the batting in the middle, and the backing together, creating extra texture and pictures on the top through the quilting designs she chose. And she even enjoyed binding the quilt together at the end, despite it being a fiddly job. The only part of the whole process she did not enjoy was basting, the initial joining together of the three layers, and she often went out of her way to avoid that part. Right now, she was at the beginning of the whole process, and basting was probably a few months away. It was far too soon to think about that.

Her colours chosen, she picked them up and brought them all into the main room of her inner city apartment, where the light was better. She placed the precarious stack of fabrics on a chair while she cleared the dining room table of the work she’d brought home for the weekend. One of the reasons she’d felt free to sew today was that she’d actually made progress on her data analysis the previous evening. Jenni smirked and spoke out loud in the silence of the room, ‘One of the benefits of having no social life… you get lots done.’

The table cleared, she put the stacks of fabric on it, then opened the front door to let in some air. It was a late summer’s day, but rather warmer than average, and the air flowing through the house was welcome. The noise that floated in through the door was rather less agreeable. Each of the nine apartments in the complex opened into a courtyard that was both renowned and hated for its echoes and noise amplification, so Jenni was at least used to it. Not that being accustomed to the noise made her any happier about it.

From the noise and the comments being made, someone was clearly in the process of moving in. The apartment next door to Jenni had been vacant for months, but it appeared it had now been rented out. Absorbed in her own work, she paid little attention to the activity in the courtyard outside, and instead began to cut out the thousand or so one-and-a-half inch squares her latest pattern required.

‘You’ve got a nice little cottage industry going here,’ said a male voice, sometime later. Jenni looked up at the man who had appeared in the doorway. He held up his hands in a reassuring gesture. ‘I’m your new neighbour, Chuck.’

Jenni couldn’t help but raise her eyebrows. ‘Chuck?’ The name did not seem to suit the olive-skinned man standing in her doorway.

The man shrugged. ‘My friends call me Chuckles. And I really hate being called Chuckles. Chuck really isn't bad as an alternative.’

‘I’m not surprised,’ said Jenni. ‘So - do you like your new apartment?’

‘If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have moved in,’ he answered with a grin that really was something to look at… not that the man himself wasn’t. ‘Anyway,’ he said nonchalantly, ‘I just noticed your door was open and came over to say hello.’

Jenni smiled back at him. ‘Welcome. I’m glad you came over.’

‘I’ll see you around,’ he said, and vanished from the doorway.

Jenni realised that during the whole exchange, she hadn’t even risen from her seat.

~~*~~

 

That evening there were few sounds from the next door apartment, though the door, like Jenni’s, was still open to catch every bit of breeze that entered the courtyard. Jenni had finished cutting a number of the pieces that she needed for her quilt, but Chuck’s appearance in her doorway had upset her composure. She wasn’t used to new neighbours being this friendly, but in his case, she didn’t mind. Of course, they’d only spoken for a few minutes, about the most mundane of things. But he was nice, and there was no mistaking the fact that he was more than pleasant to look at. Quite apart from the dimpled grin, his dark hair, dark-toned skin, dark brown eyes and chiselled features made him a head turner. With her luck, mused Jenni, as she put her supper together that night, he was certain to be gay.

Where on earth did that thought come from? she asked herself. She’d sworn off relationships months ago with a huge feeling of relief. Being single meant she had her life back, and she intended to keep it that way. Which didn’t mean she couldn’t now go and invite her new neighbour over for coffee, given that his friends appeared to have left. This was what good neighbours do, after all.

‘Knock, knock,’ she called at the door. She’d never been in this apartment, and its interior was nothing like the interior of hers. This one had a partition between the front room - currently filled with half-unpacked boxes, a sofa shoved into a corner, and nothing else - and the kitchen, from which Chuck appeared.

‘Hello, neighbour!’ he said.

Jenni smiled. ‘I never introduced myself, did I? I’m Jenni. I came to see if you’d like a cup of coffee.’

‘That’s very nice of you, Jenni.’

She shrugged. ‘From my experience of moving, you’ll barely have unpacked the mugs and the instant coffee. I have a plunger and coffee beans, all ready to grind.’

Chuck grinned, setting off an unwelcome flutter somewhere in the region of Jenni’s heart. ‘Would you be willing to have coffee here? I have an espresso machine, all unpacked and ready to go.’

‘That beats plunger coffee hollow,’ said Jenni with an answering grin.

‘Come on through,’ said Chuck, standing back to let her past.

The kitchen area of the bottom floor was far more organised than the front room. The kitchen was beautifully appointed, right down to the espresso machine, which held pride of place on the bench. There were no half-unpacked boxes in this room, rather there was a tidy stack of cardboard underneath the window at the end of the room.

‘Make yourself comfortable,’ said Chuck, indicating the easychair that stood nearby the window. As she wandered over to it, Chuck ground the coffee and got the espresso machine going. Then he came and joined her, taking a seat in the matching chair.

‘You’ve had some experience of moving, then?’ said Chuck.

‘I’ve moved too many times in my life,’ replied Jenny, with a heartfelt sigh. ‘This is the first apartment I’ve lived in for more than a year, and I have to say, I’m grateful.’

‘Is it your job that means you move so much?’ he asked.

‘No, just the exigencies of life.’

‘Ah, the three R’s,’ said Chuck in a knowing tone. ‘Rent hikes, rotten landlords, and relationships.’

At the last, Jenni bit her lip, but managed a laugh. ‘You sound like you’ve had your own experiences along those lines.’

‘Lots of the first two,’ he replied. ‘Rising rent is the bane of my life.’

About the third one, Jenni wasn’t willing to ask. After all, she had only met him that afternoon.

The coffee machine hissed and spluttered, and Chuck got up to go and collect the coffee. The cups, Jenni noticed, came from a neatly arranged cupboard, and before he brought the cups back to where they were sitting, Chuck wiped the spills off the bench. Definitely gay.

Now, now - don’t stereotype, she chided herself.

One sip of the coffee knocked all her other thoughts from her mind. ‘This is really good coffee!’

‘Do I spot a fellow coffee enthusiast?’ he asked.

‘You certainly do. My fiance was seriously worried that I was addicted to the stuff,’ she said. Then the realisation hit that she’d mentioned her fiance.

‘Hey, are you all right?’ asked Chuck.

‘Fine, sorry,’ replied Jenni.

‘Tell me to go jump, but did he die, or was it a break up?’

‘What? Oh…’ Jenni wasn’t quite sure how to react to Chuck’s perceptiveness. ‘Both, actually.’

Chuck didn’t say anything, but Jenni felt she ought to explain her odd reply. ‘I’d been seriously planning to call off the wedding, but the day before I was going to tell him, he died. Plane crash - he was a Navy pilot.’

‘I’m sorry.’

Jenni took a deep breath. ‘No - I’m sorry. I certainly didn’t come over here to sob on your shoulder about Justin. After all, you didn’t even know him.’

‘In fact, I barely know you.’

Jenni smiled. ‘Which only makes my situation worse… here I am, pouring out my life story to a stranger.’ She took another sip of coffee. ‘Okay, your turn now.’

‘My turn to sob on your shoulder?’ he asked, a teasing gleam in his eye.

‘If necessary,’ said Jenni, regaining the light tone she had been using with him. ‘But I meant that it’s your turn to pour out your life story.’

‘All right,’ he replied. ‘On the condition that when I’m done, you tell me more about you.’

‘Deal.’

‘Well, to start with, I guess you should know I’m Maori.’

‘I thought your name was Chuck,’ Jenni said with a grin.

‘As in the indigenous people of New Zealand,’ he responded.

Teasing him was just too much fun. ‘New Zealand,’ she mused. ‘I’m sure I’ve heard of it…is that the fifty-first state of the US?’

He narrowed his eyes at her. ‘No - that’s Australia. New Zealand is another country altogether… and we intend to keep it that way,’ he finished, with yet another devastating grin.

‘So what are you doing here?’

‘Hey - I thought I was pouring out my life story, not being cross-examined on it!’ They laughed together before Chuck went on, with fewer interruptions than before.


	2. Piecing

In the past two weeks it had become established practice. Jenni would get home from work, leave her briefcase and whatever extra work she’d brought with her – and there always was some – on her desk, and then go straight over to Chuck’s, where he’d have a freshly made cup of coffee ready for each of them. No matter when she got home, he was always there, and the coffee was ready within five minutes. Even more satisfying than the coffee was being able to put the troubles of the day behind her, and talk with a friend, face to face rather than over the phone, and without all the hassle of going out.

Today was no different. The coffee was steaming – just the way she liked it – and Chuck flashed his heart-stopping grin at her as she came in. ‘Did you have a good day?’ he asked.

Despite the memories of a long, hard day, lost data, impossible timetables and belligerent colleagues, Jenni replied lightly. ‘Yes – it was fine.’

‘And how’s that cottage industry of yours going?’ he asked, referring to her quilting.

‘Slowly, as always. Sewing one and a half inch squares together takes a lot of time. But it’s relaxing.’

‘I can’t see how.’ Chuck’s teasing of Jenni over her quilting had become just as routine as their after-work coffee. Even so, Chuck’s teasing was far more welcome than the negative comments she had received countless times from her late fiancé. At least when the comments came from Chuck they were delivered with that smile.

‘In a lot of ways,’ Jenni explained, ‘It’s just like what I do at work - except with colours and patterns and fabrics instead of data and words and recommendations. I select them and put them together the way they work best - the way they make the most sense.’

‘I’ve never thought about it like that,’ said Chuck.

‘Be honest, Chuck - you never thought about quilting at all until you met me.’

‘Well, no - that’s true.’

‘And except in order to have something to tease me about, you wouldn’t think of quilting now.’

Chuck paused at that one. ‘I wouldn’t go that far. But I wouldn’t think about it much,’ he finished.

‘I thought so.’ Jenni grinned in triumph at winning that particular argument.

They sank into silence while they each sipped at their coffee. ‘Are you sure your day was all right, Jenni? Because I have to say that you really look beat.’

‘Thanks,’ she responded, wryly. ‘I’m fine. I guess it was just a long day.’

‘I was going to ask you about going out for dinner tonight, but well, maybe you’ll want a quiet night at home instead.’

Going out? In what sense? thought Jenni immediately, before she quashed the question. ‘That does sound nice,’ she said aloud, ‘but you’re right. I’d rather have an early night.’

‘Sure - I understand.’

She was glad he understood, but she wasn’t keen on him forgetting the idea altogether. ‘How about a rain check on that dinner?’ asked Jenni.

‘Sounds good,’ he replied, grinning back at her - the grin having its usual effect, one she hadn’t managed to fight successfully in the past month. ‘I’ll hold you to it.’

They chatted a little while longer about inconsequential things – never touching on the topic of work, or of their lives outside the walls of the apartment complex. About an hour after she had first come home, Jenni went back to her apartment, and the pile of work she had left on the table. After a quick supper, she sat down, and did her best to banish the annoying thoughts about Chuck that kept intruding on her as she tried to finish her preparations for the new group of graduate students who would be starting in a few weeks time.

~~*~~

 

Two days later – on a Thursday night, when it was reasonably safe to assume Chuck wouldn’t have any social engagements – Jenni walked through his front door after work, took the cup of coffee he held out as she entered the kitchen, and said with a smile, ‘Rain check?’

Then she held her breath.

He answered, not surprisingly, with a grin. It really was disconcerting. ‘Definitely. I’ll just call ahead and make sure there’s a free table.’

Jenni settled herself on one of the seats at the breakfast bar while Chuck used the phone. He came back into the room smiling. ‘We’re all set,’ he said.

‘What sort of place is it?’ Jenni asked. ‘Do I need to change?’

Chuck calmly looked Jenni up and down. It was just a little unsettling. ‘No – you’re fine. You look great.’

Jenni laughed. ‘Thanks, Chuck.’

‘We’re not expected until seven,’ he said, ‘So – do you need to get some work done first, or will you just stay here and chat?’

‘Work?’ she asked. ‘Not on your life! I intend to enjoy myself… and that means ignoring the piles of paper on my desk.’

‘I take it, then, that we chat,’ said Chuck.

‘Tell me more about New Zealand,’ said Jenni.

That request set the tone for the evening. Even once they arrived at the restaurant, a cosy café with candles on the tables and an open fire, they were still talking about their backgrounds – Chuck’s connections to New Zealand, and Jenni’s in the midwest.

‘I loved growing up in rural Indiana,’ said Jenni at one point. ‘For one thing, you could see the stars at night so much better than you can here.’

‘You like stargazing?’ asked Chuck.

‘I love it,’ replied Jenni, simply.

Chuck started talking about a recently retired NASA photographer. ‘Have you seen the latest collections of his photographs? They’re amazing,’ said Chuck, his face lighting up even more than usual.

Jenni thought of the detailed galactic charts that landed on her desk each day – full of numbers and spectrographs. The collection of photos Chuck had mentioned might not be as scientific, but was certainly more impressive. ‘I’ve seen them,’ she nodded. ‘They’re certainly in a class by themselves.’

‘I used to do a lot of stargazing as a kid,’ said Chuck. ‘You could look up at Alpha Centurai and wonder who else in the world was looking at that star while you were. And then I’d wonder what was beyond that star… was there anyone on the other side, looking at it and wondering the exact same thing?’

Chuck’s enthusiasm was infectious. ‘It sounds like you still wonder that,’ she said.

‘All the time,’ he replied. ‘I think I always will.’

For a few moments, both of them were silent.

‘It’s a funny thing, the universe,’ said Chuck, eventually. ‘Our view of it is almost fundamentally skewed. No matter how much you learn about it, our perception is Earth-centred. It’s always above us, rather than around us. Untouchable – unimaginable for most of us.’

Jenni was stunned by the tone of his voice – it was almost reverent. ‘It’s really important to you, isn’t it?’ she asked.

‘Oh – it’s just a hobby,’ he said, then paused. ‘But as hobbies go, yeah, it’s pretty important. Like your quilting?’ he finished, with a glint in his eye.

‘Maybe…’ said Jenni, archly, and changed the subject.

They lingered over dessert and yet another cup of coffee, and Jenni was sure that the only reason that no hint to leave had been delivered by the waiter was because Chuck knew the proprietor. It was approaching midnight when they finally left – Chuck having refused her offer to pay for dinner.

‘This is not good,’ she said, as they walked home through quiet streets.

‘What’s not good?’ he asked.

Jenni found that Chuck had caught hold of her hand. She ignored it – and her unbidden reaction to it – and instead answered the question. ‘An elderly woman like me out at this hour on a "school night".’

‘Elderly – nonsense! I can’t imagine that you are any older than me.’

‘Well, how old are you, then, and I‘ll tell you if you’re right.’

Chuck laughed. ‘You’re tricky. Fine, then, if you must know…’ He squeezed her hand. ‘You, my dear Jenni, are out on a date with a thirty-eight year old.’

She answered lightly. ‘I didn’t realise this was a date.’

‘You’re not getting out of it that easily. How old are you? That was the deal, remember.’

Jenni laughed. ‘All right, all right. Thirty-eight.’

‘See – it wasn’t that hard. And I was right, by the way. There’s nothing elderly about you. We’re both incredibly young.’

While she was trying to think of an answer to that particular statement, Chuck leaned over and kissed her. Even given her somewhat limited experience, the still-conscious part of her mind decided that it was a very nice kiss indeed. However, it also reminded her that the two of them were standing in the middle of the sidewalk while they kissed. She pulled back from him.

‘Uh, maybe this isn’t quite the place for this.’

‘Really?’ asked Chuck, looking straight at Jenni. ‘Do you know somewhere better?’

An answer popped into her mind immediately. It was not the sort of response she would usually feel comfortable with. But on this particular occasion… to hell with it, she thought. ‘Well, there’s my place, or there’s your place. I believe they’re both in the same part of town.’

They walked the rest of the way with his arm around her shoulders. They didn’t talk much on their walk, but they smiled at each other a lot, and twice they stopped again to kiss. But each time Jenni, feeling uncomfortable, pulled away.

Once in the secluded courtyard of the apartment complex, it was a different matter. Minutes went by as they stood between their respective doorways, not moving towards either. This time it was Chuck who pulled away.

‘I had a very pleasant evening,’ he said, in a courteous tone. ‘May I have the pleasure of your company again sometime?’

‘Oh, I suspect so,’ replied Jenni. ‘That is, if I don’t get fired tomorrow because I’ve been out so late.’

Chuck’s eyes twinkled at her. ‘Tell them that it’s all the fault of the new love in your life.’

‘They wouldn’t believe me if I did.’

Chuck raised his eyebrows. ‘Do you believe it?’

‘You know – I think I do.’ She reached up and kissed him gently on the cheek, then brushed her lips over his. ‘Goodnight, Chuck. I’ll see you tomorrow?’

‘That you will.’

Jenni dug out her keys and went into her apartment. As she closed the door she saw that Chuck hadn’t yet moved towards his door, but that he was staring up at the stars.

She was too keyed up to go to sleep right away. Quite apart from the rest of the evening, the past half hour was enough to upset anyone’s equilibrium, but especially hers. In her thirty-eight years, she could still count her romances on one hand. And now a new relationship – or at least the possibility of one – had emerged when it was least expected, and to a large extent, unwanted.

To keep her hands busy while her mind whirled, she sat down in her favourite chair and picked up a half-finished quilt block, her needle and her thimble. For ten minutes she sewed while she turned a number of things over in her mind. Memories of the bad endings of her other relationships were among the most prominent concerns, but not the only worries. When she finished the block she had been sewing, a glance at the clock convinced her that, at half-past one in the morning, it was time she went to bed.

How did all this happen? she asked herself later as she drifted off to sleep. ‘I don’t even know his last name,’ Jenni mumbled into the darkness. Then she lifted her fingers to her lips. ‘But he’s a damn fine kisser.’


	3. Basting

‘Morning, Professor Kendall,’ a student greeted Jenni as she arrived at work.

‘Good morning, Ahmed. Did you have a good summer?’

‘Pretty good. Not much of a break, though. I had an internship – kept me busy.’ The young man was smiling broadly, and Jenni suspected that he had thoroughly enjoyed his internship.

‘Are you in any of my classes this quarter?’

‘Sure am – final year optical and infrared.’

‘See you in class, then.’ Jenni waved as she kept going towards her office. The change that came over campus on the first day of classes never ceased to amaze her. Suddenly the entire area came to life again. Some of her colleagues tended to gripe, but Jenni loved her teaching. After all, it was why she was here, rather than spending all her time in a lab in Arizona.

As she passed by the faculty room, one of those colleagues called out to her. Jenni changed direction and headed into the room. ‘What is it, David?’

‘What’s your schedule like today?’

‘Fairly light, as it happens. I have the graduate introductory lecture at twelve, and a teleconference for the project at three. I need to be around for my new graduate students between one and three, though. Why?’

‘Just checking that you’d be able to come to coffee this morning. First day of classes, and all.’

Jenni nodded. ‘I’ll be there.’

‘Do you have your graduate list, yet? The office staff are being kept waiting because some assignments haven’t been approved.’ David, head of department and one of the foremost scholars in his field, was totally contrary to stereotypes. As well as being close to a certifiable genius, he kept his office as neat as a pin, and kept the administration on their toes with his frequent appeals for efficiency.

‘As far as I know, I’m all set,’ said Jenni. ‘I got my list last week, and I’ve contacted all but one of the transfer students - Charles Carter.’

‘That’s good, that’s good,’ said David. ‘We’ll be seeing you at eleven?’

Jenni nodded, but doubted that David noticed, as he was striding up the corridor after another member of faculty who had just arrived.

Just before eleven, Jenni arrived in the faculty room. She wasn’t the only one there, but it wasn’t nearly as full as she knew it would be in ten minutes time. Jenni joined a friend of hers, Sulin, whom she hadn’t seen for at least a month.

‘Jenni!’ exclaimed Sulin, ‘You’re looking fantastic!’

‘Thanks,’ smiled Jenni.

‘Good summer?’

‘It was busy,’ said Jenni. ‘I’ve started a new quilt. Finally finished the piecing and I’m on to the basting. But you know me - I’ll procrastinate for all I’m worth at this point. It’s the worst part of the whole job.’

‘I’ll have to come around and see it sometime. You know,’ said Sulin, shaking her head, ‘I just can’t get over how amazing you look. What’s happened to you?’

Jenni tried to avoid the question. ‘Well, we’ve made a lot of advances on the project these past few months.’

Sulin shook her head. ‘That isn’t a work-related glow. It’s personal… do you have a new man, Jenni?’

‘Well…’

‘I don’t believe it! You swore you’d never get involved again. What’s so special about him?’

Jenni shook her head. ‘I can’t believe I’m discussing this with you in the faculty room. This is the sort of thing you should be talking about over a bottle of red after a girls’ night out.’

‘I agree,’ said Sulin, ‘but I’m not willing to wait until we find the time for that. Especially as I suspect that most of your evenings are now taken up. So - give.’

Jenny lowered her voice. ‘Okay… yes, you’re right.’

‘I knew it!’

Jenni blushed. ‘Keep it down, Sulin! I really don’t need this ending up all over the department.’

‘Then cooperate.’

Jenni blushed again. ‘He’s my next-door neighbour. Moved in at the beginning of the month… very handsome,’ she finished.

‘Go on…’

This time, Jenni sighed. ‘What can I tell you? He’s as big a coffee freak as I am, so we started having coffee every day after work. Then he asked me out for dinner, about two weeks ago. Since then, so he tells me, we’ve been a couple.’

Sulin’s eyebrows rose. ‘He tells you?’

‘Oh, I believe him… he certainly kisses like we’re a couple.’

‘And you are not talking like Professor Jennifer Kendall!’ Sulin shook her head in amazement.

Jenni decided to be honest. ‘Well, when I’m with him, I’m not Professor Kendall. I’m just Jenni. And I’ve decided that I really like that.’

‘Well, you look fantastic - he’s obviously doing you a world of good.’ Sulin gathered up some papers from the low table in front of her. ‘I’ve got to go… my new crop of grads are waiting. Oh, and by the way - I still want that girls’ night out… you’ll need the break from this guy sometime, no matter how wonderful he is. What’s his name, anyway?’

‘Chuck.’

Sulin laughed. ‘I never pictured you with anyone called Chuck.’

‘Neither did I - but it seems to be happening.’

Sulin shook her head again, shrugged, smiled at Jenni, then got up and left the faculty room. Laughing at her friend’s reaction, Jenni got up and mingled with the other members of the department. The morning coffee break stretched longer and longer, and in the end, Jenni went straight from there to the introductory seminar for her new graduate students. There were ten taking her ‘Optical and Infrared Astrophysics’ course, and she was acting as supervisor to all of them in their graduate work. It wasn’t the ideal situation, but she was the only member of the department with the level of knowledge to be able to take on the task. David assured her each month that he was doing all he could to procure funding for another lecturer in her field, but nothing had eventuated. As a result, Jenni’s workload was heavy.

Working with graduate students was not unenjoyable, however, and Jenni was looking forward to meeting this year’s group. She pushed open the door and walked in. The seven students who had done their undergraduate work with her greeted her warmly. Two of the three transfer students smiled and nodded to her - she’d spoken to each of them in the last couple of weeks. But the third of the transfer students just stared, a stunned expression on his face.

Jenni was sure that her face mirrored the student’s astonishment. The third transfer student was Chuck.

~~*~~

Ever since she had returned from her less than erudite seminar presentation, she had been expecting the knock on the door. But she had no idea how she was going to deal with the conversation that was certain to follow.

‘Come in,’ she said.

The door opened, and Chuck slipped through. ‘Hi, I’m Charles Carter,’ he said uncertainly.

‘Nice to meet you, Charles. Take a seat.’

‘Thanks.’ They both sat in silence for a moment or two. Chuck took a deep breath. ‘Umm – I have no idea how that happened. Believe me, Jenni.’

‘Oh, I believe that,’ Jenni said, turning from Chuck to stare out the window. ‘What I’m having trouble with is the fact that we went so long… got so close… without knowing each other’s last names. Or what we do for a living.’

‘You looked pretty surprised when you walked in.’

‘I could say the same for you. Oh, no,’ Jenni’s tone changed to one bordering on despair, and swivelled back to face Chuck. ‘The rest of that class is sure to have picked up our reactions,’ she said. ‘It will be all over the department before we know it.’ To Jenni’s dismay, Chuck began laughing. ‘What in hell are you laughing at?’ she demanded.

The laughter stopped. ‘I’m sorry, Jenni,’ he said, holding his hand out to her across the desk. ‘I was just laughing at the efficiency of the department grapevine. I guess it’s the only way I can react at the moment.’ Jenni took his hand, and he squeezed it gently. Suddenly serious, he spoke again. ‘This is bad, isn’t it?’

‘I can’t even begin to explain how bad,’ said Jenni. ‘Personally, I don’t even like having friends in my classes, and I certainly wouldn’t supervise a friend’s thesis. But this… Chuck, there are rules. The university has a policy on this.’

‘And that policy is..?’

‘It’s not allowed to happen, Chuck.’

‘Except for the fact that it’s already happened,’ he replied. ‘Jenni…’

Jenni shook her head. ‘Not here. I don’t want to talk about it here. I’ve got a meeting soon.’

‘Do you want coffee when you get home?’

Jenni nodded, then grimaced. ‘Do you have any idea how domestic that sounds?’

This time Chuck didn’t joke. ‘I know. But I’ll still have it ready for you.’

~~*~~

 

The coffee that evening went mostly untouched. Neither of them were really in the mood for it, and they huddled together on the couch as though they were under attack. It was Jenni’s one concession to her emotions, as her instinct was telling her she should be sitting on the other side of the room. Sitting together, his arm around her and her head on his shoulder, there was no telling what might happen between them. But she didn’t have the heart right now to pull away.

‘I shouldn’t even be here, Chuck,’ said Jenni. ‘I could lose my job over this.’

‘I know,’ said Chuck, ‘and I understand. But isn’t there anything we can do? I can change supervisors, drop your class.’

‘Not unless your specialty has suddenly changed. There’s no one else in this university who can supervise your work. If you want to do optical astronomy…’ Jenni’s statement faded away.

‘I can change my specialty. There’s plenty of areas of astrophysics I can go into. Jenni, this isn’t the end of the world.’

She pulled away from him. Just a little. ‘But it is the end of us.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Chuck, it isn’t just because of the university policy. I can’t be in a relationship with a student. It’s not ethical, and it isn’t in me.’

Chuck reached out to her. ‘Jenni…’ He didn’t say any more, but the look in his eyes was eloquent. He didn’t want to let her go.

‘Chuck, I can’t imagine how I’m going to deal with this. All I know is that any romantic involvement with you is impossible.’

‘But why? If I change my specialty, get out of your department - go to a different university?’ He stopped, took a breath, and then continued, the strain evident in his voice. ‘I can’t imagine a life without you.’

Jenni blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. She was embarrassed by even this minor show of emotion, but the power of Chuck’s words shocked her. Almost fifteen years ago, Justin had briefly held the power to move her like this, but that power had faded, for so many reasons. Now, she was held in the arms of another man with the same power. But he was a man with whom she could not remain involved. No matter how much that hurt her. Or him.

Chuck’s arms tightened around her. ‘What can I do, Jenni? What do I need to do to keep you with me?’

Jenni shook her head, no longer caring that tears were flowing quietly over her cheeks. ‘There’s nothing we can do. I won’t let you interfere with your education, Chuck. I’ve looked at your application - your undergraduate work was outstanding. You deserve to go on and get your doctorate as soon as possible. For that, you need to stay in the department, and that means that this - us - can’t go on.’

Gently, he wiped away her tears. ‘I’m sure there’s another way.’

‘Maybe there is. But until we find it,’ she turned in his arms and kissed him softly on the lips. ‘I’m sorry, Chuck. I have to leave.’

He loosened his arms, but caught her hand as she stood up. ‘Stay tonight? To say goodbye?’

Jenni was sorely tempted. Chuck’s courteous approach to intimacy had been the hallmark of their relationship, and he had never once pressured her to go further than she had been comfortable with. Now he was asking that she take the final step with him. She looked into his eyes and wished that she could accede to his request. But slowly she shook her head and loosened her hand from his grasp. Tears flowed swiftly down her cheeks as she replied. ‘I can’t Chuck. You don’t know how much I wish I could.’ She turned away from him and left his apartment. Each and every step was an effort - she desperately wanted to turn back and let herself be caught up in his arms. But to do so wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t be ethical. And it would tear her apart. Because the one thing she knew for certain that evening was that if she stayed with him tonight, she wouldn’t be able to leave him in the morning.


	4. Quilting

It had been a hellish two weeks since the first day of classes. On the surface, Jenni kept herself in control. Chuck had withdrawn from her seminar, and Jenni passed his file on to David for reassignment of his thesis. She hadn’t heard anything more about what new specialty he’d found, however, given that she hadn’t spoken to him in that time, it wasn’t surprising. If one happened to see the other in the corridors, someone usually changed direction so they didn’t have to meet. They also tried not to meet in the courtyard of their apartment complex, but living next door to each other made it harder. Jenni found herself leaving home far earlier than usual, eating breakfast on the way to work, and coming home later. Her coffee plunger was again getting use, after a month of being abandoned in favour of Chuck’s espresso machine, and the hated basting on her quilt was completed. But being away from Chuck – being forced to ignore him, and to stifle her feelings for him – was incredibly painful to her. But there was no way of getting away from him. He was in her workplace and her home, as well as in her heart, and she could not extricate him from any aspect of her life.

Jenni had tried hard to conceal her whirling emotions from her colleagues and from all but her closest friends. For the most part, she had succeeded, but Sulin had not been taken in. She had confronted Jenni one day, asking why her previously glowing friend now had dark circles under her eyes and was snapping at people who merely wished her a good day. Jenni had tried to respond lightly, but Sulin would not take no for an answer, and was coming that evening for dinner. Jenni had laid in two or three bottles of good red wine.

During the dinner Jenni and Sulin chatted about faculty gossip of the academic variety; new grants had been awarded during the week, and there was also a great deal of discussion of who would apply for tenure in the current year’s round. No mention was made of what Jenni had shared with her friend on the first day, nor of Sulin’s concern for Jenni. When they finished dinner, Sulin refilled their wine glasses, then took hers with her to look at Jenni’s quilt, now stretched on the small oblong frame, and the diagonal lines of quilting already begun.

‘This is looking good!’ she exclaimed.

Jenni sank down in one of her comfortably cushioned chairs, and raised her wine glass to Sulin. ‘Thank you. I’m very proud of it.’

‘How much longer do you think it will take?’

Jenni took a deep breath, knowing that the question was a way to get into the discussion for which her friend had come. ‘Well, at the rate I’m going at the moment, it won’t take long. I’m getting a lot of quilting done lately.’

Sulin left the quilt and settled herself in a chair opposite Jenni’s. ‘I suspected as much,’ she said. ‘So, what’s going on?’

Jenni wrestled with herself. Sulin may have been one of her closest friends, but even so, she wasn’t used to sharing too much of her life or her feelings. At the same time, she desperately wanted to share what was happening. If she didn’t talk to someone about it, she suspected her stress levels would rise even higher than they already were. She took a sip of her wine, hoping it would embolden her. ‘I’m not sure where to start,’ she said, eventually.

‘But it is to do with Chuck, isn’t it?’

Jenni nodded.

‘Are you having problems?’

‘We broke up,’ said Jenni.

‘Can you tell me why?’

Jenni put down her wine glass, then rested her head in her hands. ‘Su, have you met one of the new graduate students, Charles Carter?’

Sulin nodded, puzzled by the apparent change in topic. ‘I’ve seen him – and I know he’s causing David some problems… he’s changing his specialty, or something?’

‘It was unavoidable. Charles Carter is Chuck.’

Sulin’s jaw dropped.

Jenni continued. ‘Neither of us had any idea until he turned up in my introductory lecture. I was stunned, and I think he was too.’ She stopped to take another sip of wine, then shrugged her shoulders. ‘I had to tell him we couldn’t be together under those circumstances.’

‘Hang on,’ said Sulin. ‘You’d known him two weeks?’

‘A month.’

‘Why didn't you recognise his name? Don't tell me you went a month without knowing his last name?’

Jenni shrugged again, and laughed bitterly. ‘Because we’d gone a month without actually introducing ourselves. We’re the same age, and I had no idea he was still a student. I did know we had a common interest in astronomy.’

‘And you’re a tenured professor and he’s a master’s student?’

‘He’s been working since his undergraduate days – earning the money to come back to school,’ replied Jenni, suddenly defensive. ‘Not everyone gets scholarships.’

‘I know, Jenni,’ said her friend, reassuringly. ‘I’m just trying to get everything in context.’

‘Sorry – I’m a little tense at the moment.’

‘A little! You’ve been snapping everyone’s heads off for two weeks. This is obviously making you desperately unhappy.’

‘Put yourself in my shoes. Imagine being in… ,’ Jenni hesitated, ‘… caring deeply for someone, and spending all your time where they are. The only problem is that you can’t possibly act on how you feel. He lives next door. He’s studying in my department, and he’s around the corridors all the time. I can’t get away from him, but being near him… it’s not easy,’ she finished, lamely, not daring to admit how tortuous it really was.

Sulin had obviously picked up both Jenni’s moments of hesitation, however. ‘I can try to imagine it,’ she said gently. ‘I’m sure that it’s very hard on you. But I have to ask,’ Sulin paused, and Jenni waited, curious as to what her friend would say. ‘Why are you so positive that you and Charles, or Chuck, or whatever, can’t be together? If he’s no longer in your classes, the policy wouldn’t apply.’

Jenni laughed wryly. ‘He asked me the same thing, that last night. It’s me. I can't stomach the thought of being involved with a student, even if he’s no longer my student. For three weeks – three quarters of the time that we were involved, he was my student. I didn’t know it at the time, but it doesn’t change anything. Besides, I have no wish to be the butt of the department gossip, even though I’m sure I already am.’

‘Why would you think that?’

‘Oh, I’m sure we are. The students in my seminar would have seen to that.’

Sulin shook her head. ‘I haven’t heard a whisper. Of course, everyone’s been wondering why you’ve been so out of sorts, but the general consensus seems to be that you are angry at Charles for changing disciplines. You know what it’s like among the faculty – everyone is so caught up in their work no one thinks that mood changes might be due to personal issues.’

‘You haven’t heard anything?’ asked Jenni.

‘Nothing at all. At this point in time, your private life isn’t even a blip on the departmental radar.’

‘Thank goodness for that,’ said Jenni with a sigh. She took another sip of wine.

‘So, what will you do now?’ asked Sulin.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, you can’t go on as you are. You’re obviously highly stressed, and it’s only the beginning of the quarter. You have to do something to bring your tension levels down, or else you won’t last until Thanksgiving.’

‘Thank you, Oprah Winfrey,’ retorted Jenni, slightly irked.

‘I mean it. You need to at least get away for a day or two. And there’s something else I’d recommend, although I don’t think you’ll like it.’

‘What?’ asked Jenni warily.

‘I think you need to talk to Chuck. Hear me out,’ hurried Sulin, as Jenni opened her mouth to argue. ‘Wait until he and David have managed to sort out a new supervisor and program for him – until his life is somewhat more stable than it is now. But then I think that you really should meet up and talk. Not at the university, obviously, but not at home, either.’

‘Neutral ground,’ said Jenni.

‘Exactly. Where either of you can walk out without repercussions, if it comes to that.’

Jenni sniffed. ‘What would we have to talk about, anyway? Hi – I miss you dreadfully, I listen to your movements every night on the other side of our wall. But we can’t be together, no matter how much it kills me.’

Sulin tactfully ignored Jenni’s admissions. Instead, she got up and moved back to finger the edge of the quilt, studying the tiny squares as she spoke. ‘I can’t tell you what to say, and I’m at a disadvantage, because I’ve never properly met Chuck. But I suspect that what you had – what you can still have – is an amazing friendship, and a very strong relationship. I’ve never seen anyone change so much in such a short time as you have. I think Chuck managed to bring you out of yourself – to let you be your own person. I don’t think even Justin did that.’ Sulin took a breath, and turned back to face Jenni. ‘You’re incredibly fortunate, you know. Most people dream of a relationship like I think you have with Chuck, but can’t possibly hope to experience it themselves. The circumstances are against you, but they don’t have to be.’

For a moment or two, Jenni didn’t say anything. What Sulin said had raised both her hopes and her ire – she felt that it was incredibly presumptuous of her friend to analyse her relationship with Chuck without having met him, and only knowing the very little Jenni had been willing to tell her. Finally, not knowing how else to react, she held up her wine glass. ‘I was hoping to get drunker tonight. But you’ve kept me talking too much.’

‘Do you think we should rectify that?’ asked Sulin, disappearing into the kitchen for a moment, and coming back with the half-full bottle.

~~*~~

 

Jenni was terribly nervous the following Saturday morning. Sulin had convinced her, eventually, to meet with Chuck, and they were going to meet for brunch later that morning. In the meantime, Sulin had made a subtle effort to get to know Chuck - not in order to facilitate a reconciliation, nor to act as a ‘second’ of sorts for Jenni. Rather, Sulin simply wanted to get to know Chuck because he was important to Jenni. In a long phone call the evening before, Sulin had reiterated her initial analysis. She was adamant that no matter how impossible it seemed, Jenni and Chuck had a bond between them that had been swiftly formed, and was incredible in its strength. She urged Jenni to keep up her friendship with Chuck, and that was what this brunch was about.

Nervously, Jenni paced her living area. If she left now for the small café where she and Chuck had arranged to meet, she would be horrendously early. She paced until she realised that Chuck could probably hear her through the walls. On realising that, she sat down and pulled her quilt frame towards her. Such was her muddled state of mind that it took her a long time to locate her needle, and she had sewn an inch or two before she realised that all the stiches were going the wrong direction. As she ripped out the mistake, she gave herself a stern talking to - silently, of course.

She berated herself for acting like a teenage girl with a crush, unable even to have a meal with someone attractive without breaking out in giggles and blushes. She admonished herself that Chuck was only a friend, and that plenty of friends ate meals together when they had a chance. And she reminded herself of the gossip currently floating around the faculty – it appeared that Chuck was not pining away for her. He had been spending a great deal of time with a brilliant young student who had just joined the department.

But it was the reminder of those rumours that sent just the slightest pain through her mind. She didn’t want him going around with a student almost half his age…

She stopped herself short.

Why should she be so concerned about the time Chuck was spending with another student? She had told him there couldn’t be anything between them: she should have felt obliged to step back and let him live his life without her from now on.

Jenni stitched away at her quilt, letting the thoughts about Chuck float aimlessly around her head. She looked up at the clock and realised it was getting close to time to leave. She heard the door to Chuck’s apartment slam shut behind him as he left. Measuring the remaining amount of the line left to sew, she decided to finish it and tie it off before leaving. Her thoughts drifted through the past seven weeks, and all the myriad emotions and experiences of that time.

When the realisation came, it knocked her breathless. The pieces came together in her mind, like a complex but beautiful patchwork pattern. Finally, she knew how she felt about Chuck. But she also knew that, as things stood, she could never tell him.


	5. Binding

Jenni sat on her tiny balcony, enjoying the last days of an ‘Indian Summer.’ A steaming mug of coffee sat on a table at her side, along with a porcupine-like pincushion and a spool of thread, and on her lap was her almost-finished quilt. She had already rolled and pinned the binding, and was taking a short break before she began to sew. There was a slight chill in the air, but it was a beautiful day all the same. Jenni sipped at her coffee and sat back to soak in the sunshine.

She couldn’t see the next door balcony; a head high wall blocked it from sight, but did nothing to buffer the sound. Jenni heard the door from Chuck’s apartment onto the balcony open, and tensed as she heard people come out. She and Chuck had each survived the brunch the day before, as far as she could tell. Now, hopefully, they would be able to meet on the balcony, in the courtyard, or at university without needing to snub each other. Even so, it didn’t mean that Jenni was willing to advertise her presence without knowing whether Chuck had company, or what form that company took.

‘So what you’re saying is that the work wouldn’t be any different,’ said Chuck’s deep voice. The smell of coffee wafted over the wall.

A lighter, woman’s voice answered. ‘Planetary detection uses a lot of the same concepts as optical and infrared astronomy.’

‘So it’s not really that much of a discipline change.’

‘No.’ There was a pause. ‘Charles, if you don’t mind my asking, why are you changing disciplines?’

Jenni held her breath. She had no idea whether Chuck knew she was there, but she didn’t want to draw his attention. She had recognised the voice of his companion - the brilliant, blond PhD student who had been spending so much time with him lately.

‘There are a lot of reasons; none of them I really want to share,’ said Chuck.

‘There are a lot of strange rumours going around the grad students.’

‘I dread to think.’

‘Just the usual gossip, really - nervous breakdown, torrid affair, family squabble… of course, all three amount to pretty much the same thing.’

Jenni heard Chuck’s deep laugh. ‘Well, I can guarantee you that it is not for any those reasons.’

On her side of the wall, Jenni considered Chuck’s statement, and agreed. No one could possibly call their involvement all those weeks ago a ‘torrid affair’.

Ms PhD had obviously decided to drop the subject. ‘So, do you think you’ll join our class?’

‘It’s certainly an option I’ll consider.’

‘Well, thank you very much for the coffee,’ said Ms PhD, ‘and for showing me around. I hope I’ll see you in those classes.’

‘Let me show you out,’ said Chuck.

Jenni heard the door open and close again. She was alone on the balcony. She picked up her needle and thread and began to sew.

~~*~~

 

The weather turned nasty at the beginning of the next week. It was pouring rain, and Jenni was shaking the water from her hair when David caught up to her in the hall.

‘Jenni - do you have some time this morning? I need to have a chat with you.’

She stopped and considered. ‘I don’t think I have anything until eleven this morning, David.’

‘Could you come along at ten, then?’

‘I’ll let you know if I can’t.’

‘Good.’ David nodded. ‘Nasty weather out there?’

‘Yes it is.’

As with most conversations with David, he was already walking away before Jenni had a chance to respond. She continued to her office, peeling off her soaking raincoat as she went. She had no idea why David would want to see her. Entering her office and hanging up her coat, she suddenly stopped. It had been too long for this to possibly be about her and Chuck. In any case, only she, Chuck, and Sulin knew about it.

Jenni went to her desk and checked her diary, hoping there would be a meeting scheduled at ten that she’d managed to forget. Sadly, there wasn’t. She had clear schedule, as she’d suspected, which meant that unless an unexpected student dropped by, she had almost two hours in which to worry about this meeting. She switched on her computer, and tried to immerse herself in e-mails instead. It was an admirable strategy, but didn’t work all that well. Her mind kept wandering, and she made some silly errors in her replies as a result. After correcting the e-mails, she moved on to some class preparation, always assuming she would still have a job after the meeting with David.

At ten minutes to ten, Jenni gave up all pretence at working, and sat staring out the window for the last few minutes, wishing she had her quilt with her. She had found it so comforting over the last month. It meant she always had something to do to keep her hands busy, if not her mind.

Promptly at ten she walked down the corridor to David’s spacious, if slightly shabby, office.

‘Come in, come in, Jenni,’ said David, sounding quite jovial. Jenni’s concerns quietened a little. ‘I have some good news for you,’ David continued. ‘There’s also some news I’m not quite sure how you’ll take.’

All her concerns re-emerged, even though she felt they were kept well hidden. She sat and waited for David to proceed.

‘I’ve had an official request from the Nearby Galaxy Field Survey team for you to work full time for the next calender year. Did you know this was coming?’

‘I knew the request would be made at some point,’ said Jenni. ‘The project is getting to a critical point, but I also know that I’m not due for sabbatical for another year and a half.’

David nodded solemnly. ‘The Dean is highly supportive of the NGFS. Approval for your secondment has been granted, if you are interested. Of course, we’d prefer it if you could keep an office on campus and act as a consultant.’

‘I’m interested,’ replied Jenni, still not entirely sure what was happening, ‘but I have a large teaching load this quarter, and some of my students are very keen.’

‘That’s my other piece of news,’ said David. ‘The funding committee of the university has finally, in its wisdom, approved some new funding, to commence in second semester. This department’s proposal for a second lecturer in optical and infrared astronomy was one of the few that received full funding.’

‘David! That’s marvellous!’ exclaimed Jenni.

‘Given the circumstances,’ continued David, a small smile breaking through his usually deadpan expression, ‘the Faculty as a whole, and this department, will cover the extra costs for the time before the university funding begins. You can feel free to take up the position with the NGFS.’

Jenny sat back for a few minutes, considering the ramifications. ‘It’s certainly possible to work from here in the main,’ she said, ‘especially if the department will allow me to keep my office.’

‘We’ll want you to act as a consultant to the new lecturer,’ David assured her. ‘You have tenure, so you’ll obviously continue to have seniority, simply without any teaching or supervisory responsibilities for a year. In essence, you’ll be a step or two removed from the department.’

‘When do I have to have a definite answer by?’ Jenni asked finally. ‘I’d like to consult with my colleagues on the project.’

‘The Dean would appreciate a response by the end of the week. Of course, the funding for the new lecturer will go through regardless.’

‘You’ve no idea how pleased I am to hear that,’ said Jenni. ‘You’ll have my answer in the next day or two.’ She stood, and David reached over to shake her hand.

‘Congratulations, Jenni,’ he said. ‘I suspect the NGFS will be a highly regarded project in the near future. The department, and the university as a whole are proud to have such a respected member of the project in our Faculty.’

~~*~~

 

It was the end of a long day, but Jenni had the perfect antidote. She came home, ate some supper, then drew herself a hot bath with lots of bubbles. She sank in up to her neck and let herself just soak. She tried not to think. It was one of the disadvantages of living alone that she felt she was left alone with her thoughts so very often. Sometimes, thoughts would chase each other around and around her mind for hours, and she knew that it just made things worse. After a while, her thoughts turned to the coming changes in her professional life. Even though she’d asked David for a few days to consider her position, her mind was already made up. The NGFS project was extremely important to her, and she agreed with David’s assessment – it was going to be highly regarded in the future, once they had completed enough work to release preliminary results to the scientific community. By taking this early and extended sabbatical, Jenni and the rest of the team could hasten that release of results, and get the news out to their colleagues far sooner. Even as she tried to relax in the bath, she was thinking through e-mails to the rest of the project team, planning out their strategy in the lead up to her full-time work.

Amidst her growing excitement about her change of direction, the memory of some of David’s words intruded. In essence, you’ll be a step or two removed from the department. If only this opportunity had come two months earlier. Maybe, if it had, the whole situation would have been different.

In the middle of her contemplation, she was startled by a knock on the door. It had to be Chuck. She didn’t know any of her other neighbours that well, and the security door prevented anyone from coming in from the street without her knowledge.

‘Jenni?’ Chuck’s voice called.

She froze for a moment. Then she climbed out of the bath and yelled towards the door, ‘Just hang on a minute, Chuck.’

‘Oh good, you’re there,’ he replied. ‘Can I come in?’

Jenni was hurriedly drying off and dressing. ‘If the door’s unlocked, sure,’ she replied. She certainly still trusted him to that extent. ‘Otherwise you’ll have to wait.’ She heard the front door handle turn and the door open. She stuck her head around the bathroom door. He was standing by the door, looking lost. Gorgeous, and lost, she corrected herself. ‘Go straight through,’ she said, meeting his startled eyes. ‘You might like to make some coffee, seeing as you’re here.’

‘Have I come at a bad time?’ he asked, hesitantly.

‘Not at all,’ Jenni replied lightly. ‘I’ll be out in just a sec. The kitchen is straight down there – my apartment has a slightly different floor plan to yours.’

‘I can see that.’

‘Coffee plunger is on the bench – you’ll see it. The beans and the grinder are in the cupboard directly above.’

Chuck nodded and headed towards the kitchen.

Jenni finished dressing even more quickly. There had been a very odd expression on Chuck’s face, and Jenni was curious about the cause. She brushed her hair out quickly, and pulled it into a ponytail. But glancing at herself in the mirror, she realised that she looked rather awful with her hair like that. So instead she pulled her hair up in a clip, checked her reflection, and left the bathroom, much happier with her appearance.

‘The water hasn’t boiled yet,’ said Chuck as she entered the kitchen. ‘I’m sorry about turning up unexpectedly. I saw the light on…’ he trailed off.

‘No, that’s fine,’ said Jenni, ‘and stop apologising. It’s good to see you again.’

The kettle began boiling and Chuck turned away from her. ‘So – how have you been?’ he asked, almost too casually, Jenni thought.

‘Fine,’ she answered. ‘Busy, though.’

‘Same,’ he responded, busying himself with the coffee.

Jenni went to the cupboard and took out two mugs. ‘Bring the plunger with you,’ she said, leading the way to her living area and depositing the mugs on the low coffee table.

Looking a little uncomfortable, Chuck said, ‘I’ve finally switched my discipline over.’

‘Really? What have you changed to?’ Jenni asked, suspecting she already knew the answer.

‘Extra-solar planetary detection. It’s similar to the optical mapping I was doing before… Mitch Jackson will be my supervisor. It’s not that much of a change, really.’

Jenni nodded, genuinely pleased. ‘That’s great. Mitch is one of the best in his field.’

Chuck continued to look uncomfortable, as though there was still more he wanted to say. Instead of talking, he fidgeted, his eyes roaming around the room, eventually resting on her quilt, folded on the ironing board in the corner.

‘You’ve finished it?’ he asked.

Jenni nodded.

‘Can I have a look?’

‘Of course,’ Jenni replied.

Chuck got up and unfolded the quilt. ‘It’s beautiful, Jenni. It must be such a lot of work.’

Jenni smiled. ‘It is a fair bit of work,’ she said.

‘It’s so delicate,’ Chuck said quietly.

Jenni reached forward and poured out their drinks. ‘Coffee’s ready, Chuck.’

He turned away from her quilt and accepted the cup she held out to him. ‘Thanks.’ He took a sip. ‘Jenni… I heard a rumour around the university today.’

‘Yes?’

Chuck took a breath. ‘Are you leaving the faculty?’

‘No,’ said Jenni.

‘I heard you were. That you were leaving to work full time on the Galaxy Field Survey.’

Jenni tried for a moment to gauge where Chuck was going with this, but dismissed it as just friendly interest. ‘Well, actually, that’s true. I’ll spend the next calendar year working full time for NGFS, but I’ll be staying here and working from the department.’

Chuck relaxed visibly. ‘I didn’t want you to move away,’ he admitted sheepishly. Then, with a start, he sat up straight. Jenni watched with interest. She could almost see the wheels turning inside his head, and a tiny flicker of hope lit within her. This was the topic she’d been consciously avoiding since the meeting with David, partially because she had no idea what Chuck’s reaction would be.

Even so, there was no possible way they could go back to the way things had been before. She would still be a member of faculty, and he would still be a graduate student. Stop, she chided. You’re getting ahead of yourself.

She watched Chuck’s face, trying to prepare herself for whatever he said next. She held her breath, not knowing what she expected, or even what she was hoping for.

‘Is there any hope?’ he asked quietly.

She looked at him very carefully. She took a sip of her coffee, and then put the cup down. She didn’t say anything.

‘Jenni – does this change anything?’ he asked again. ‘I need to know.’

‘Do you… do you want it to change?’ Jenni managed to say.

‘Of course I do. I thought you knew that… these last few weeks have been hellish!’

‘I couldn’t be sure,’ Jenni replied. ‘How could I know how you felt?’

‘You haven’t spoken to me in a week,’ Chuck replied. ‘You still avoid me in the corridors…’ He wasn’t so much angry as confused and sad, Jenni thought.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said. She was going to go on, but there was a lump in her throat. She swallowed, then struggled to ask, ‘Chuck, what do you want? I need to know what you want before I make any decisions. Or any commitments.’

Chuck was silent for a few moments. ‘That night… I told you I couldn’t imagine a life without you. I still can’t. I don’t want to. Jenni – I don’t care if it’s impossible right now. I love you. And I can wait if you will just be there at the end. My degree will only take a year. I’ll wait,’ he repeated.

Yet again Jenni felt tears forming, and she brushed them away fiercely. ‘Are you sure?’

‘I love you,’ he said again. ‘And if I know that you love me, or if there’s a chance that you might, if not for the ethical dilemma, I will bide my time and be your friend for the next year, until I get my degree and I’m no longer a student. If that’s what you need me to do.’

Jenni took a deep breath and admitted to him what she’d only admitted to herself a week before. ‘Chuck, I love you. I loved you when I found out you were my student – it was like a punch in the stomach. I’ve tried not to keep loving you, but…’ she paused. ‘I can’t imagine a life without you, either. And I don’t want to try.’

Chuck was out of his seat in a second, picked up Jenni and swung her around in his arms. Her legs flew out behind her, and knocked her quilt off the ironing board. She let it lay there as he put her back down. They each sat down, this time both on the same couch, and tried to catch their breath.

‘You still haven’t answered my question,’ Chuck pointed out.

‘What was the question?’ she asked him.

‘Does you moving full time to the NGFS change anything between us?’

‘When I went to see him this morning, David told me this would mean that I will be "one or two steps removed from the department." I still haven’t worked out what I think about it…’

Chuck’s face fell.

Jenni saw his change of expression, and reached up to kiss him on the cheek. ‘I promise you I will be here for you when you finish your degree. And maybe,’ she shrugged, ‘maybe once I’m in my new position, I’ll find that I don’t have any ethical problems with us being together. But I can’t say that right now. I have no idea of how this sabbatical will affect where I sit in terms of university discipline.’

‘I understand,’ said Chuck. A relaxed smile spread over his face. It was so obviously in response to a thought he’d had that Jenni couldn’t resist asking what it was.

‘My people have a saying,’ he began. ‘Beyond the farthest star lies our future.’ Jenni smiled, seeing the applicability to them. ‘That is what will keep me going,’ continued Chuck. ‘Beyond the farthest star, beyond our work, beyond all the complications of living on this earth in this society; beyond all that is our future.’

‘That’s beautiful,’ Jenni said thoughtfully. She struggled from the couch and picked up her quilt from where it was lying on the floor. ‘This is what will sustain me,’ she said. ‘I began this the day we met – and I finished it, all but the signature, yesterday. I’ll sign it tonight, and around the edges, I’ll embroider that saying. "Beyond the farthest star…" she repeated.

For just a moment, both of them forgot about ethics and degrees and the year’s wait they’d promised each other. Their arms went around each other, and their lips met.

‘Our future is waiting for us,’ said Chuck, when they reluctantly pulled apart.

‘I’m so glad it is,’ said Jenni.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When this was originally written, there was a web link to the Near Galaxy Field Survey. That link is now dead, and I can't actually find any information easily on the NGFS. In lieu of that, have a link to Harvard's [Center for Astrophysics](http://www.cfa.harvard.edu/).


End file.
